Legal sbemail

Dear Strongbad, Alex,

Now that you’re 5/6ths of a lawyer, I was wondering if you’ve ever written a law casebook, what it was about, and what kind of laws did you try to teach the kids.

Your fan,
Steve Buttz

Sure I've written a casebook. Who hasn't? I mean, law students can barely read as it is, so how hard can it be to write for them? The casebook I wrote is called

Commentaries and Cases of the Law of Business Organization.

Commentaries and Cases on the Law of Business Organizations
No two corporations are the same.

Some people are about to be run over by a frolicking or detouring employee.
Frankie has about 5 seconds.


Some people are very tall and merciless.
Quincy is making a tender offer.


Some people set up LLCs.
Beth looks like a dude.

Some corporations are subject to Revlon duties.
Gregor is a weird name.

Some people have a duty of loyalty.
Some people have a duty of care.
Fran could play linebackers for the Raiders.

Some people have rigged the corporation with a poison pill.
Albert has.

Some people have shell corporations, and those are hot.
Trisha is a severe hottie.

Some people are being fangoriously devoured by a hostile takeover.
Hillary's assets are being digested.

Every corporation is different.
No two shareholders are not on fire.
Awwwww.

So there’s my casebook. Pretty good, eh Steve? And the laws we taught the kids were duties of loyalty, the law of agency, and um, linebacker. You know, education at its finest. Well some people need to go and get a life. Alex needs to go and get a life.

NOTE: If you are totally lost, go watch this, then come back. And if you still don't think this post was funny, well, I don't care. You write a humorous post, NERD.

Special thanks to Honor for inspiring for this post.

15 on 15 - Christmas Songs edition

Due to this being the end of the semester and the crazy tradition of final exams, explanations for this month's list will be light. And by light I mean non-existent. If you have any questions as to why something is on my list feel free to ask. The general answer is probably that "I have weird/eclectic/bad taste." Just as a general aside, I start the list off with a few humorous pieces that I expect most people will roll their eyes or groan over. Hopefully the top 10 in my list will be found a bit more palatable. But anyway, without further ado, my top 15 Christmas Songs (or Holiday Songs, if you want to be PC about it):

#15 - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

#14 - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

#13 - Snoopy's Christmas

#12 - Frosty the Snowman

#11 - Blue Christmas

#10 - Good King Wenceslas

#9 - We Three Kings

#8 - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

#7 - O Tannenbaum

#6 - O Little Town of Bethlehem

#5 - I'll Be Home for Christmas

#4 - Let it Snow

#3 - O Holy Night

#2 - White Christmas

#1 - Adeste Fideles

So this is what the inside of a courtroom looks like

I was in court yesterday, representing an actual client in a guardianship hearing. It was contested, but we prevailed. I've spent a good deal of time on this case this semester, so it was nice to see it come to a positive conclusion to wrap up the semester.

Yesterday's trial, by the numbers:

45 - minutes spent waiting for our trial to start (things were running a bit late)

4 - number of attorneys/law school interns present at the trial

1 - successful motion to separate witnesses (made by yours truly)

0 - number of opening statements given

6 - witness that I called and did direct examinations of

1 - cross examination performed

6 - documents I considered entering into evidence prior to trial

2 - documents I actually tried to enter into evidence

2 - documents successfully entered into evidence

1 - hearsay objection made by opposing counsel (to a power of attorney in probate court)

1 - quizzical look on the judge's face when the hearsay objection was made

0 - number of successful hearsay objections

1 - number of times a witness was distracted by "something shiny" while on the stand

1 - closing argument given by yours truly

2 - approximate number of minutes the judge spent before announcing his ruling

I'll also mention a few other interesting tidbits:

• I made no objections yesterday. My supervising attorney did make a few objections, but the judge was pretty much overruling everything. But that's not all that uncommon in bench trials.
• The judge didn't seem very interested in all the deferential niceties you learn in mock trail and trial ad. For example, after calling my first witness I asked the Court's leave to proceed. This was met with a somewhat snide, "That's why we're here." Also, requests for permission to approach the witness (with documents) were generally met with silence that I took to mean that I could move about the courtroom however I wanted.
  

Okay, now back to studying for finals, already in progress. (The studying's in progress, not the finals.)

Troy Smith wins the Heisman

GO BUCKS!!!

That is all.

Funny

The BCS computers have deemed that no team is worthy of facing the OSU Buckeyes in the National Championship. So sayeth The Onion.

Some of my favorite quotes from the article:

"No team in America deserves to even step on the same field as Ohio State, let alone actually play in a game against them."

From Lloyd Carr: "[Q]uite frankly, I'd be afraid for our guys' safety if we had to go up against that defense again..."

Urban Meyer admitted that "being the SEC champion was not the same thing as being Ohio State."

Anyway, funny article. Gotta love The Onion.

MPRE update

The results are in, and I am officially ethical enough to practice in every jurisdiction. Go me.

It's official

VS.

The Ohio State Buckeyes will face the Florida Gators in the National Championship, to be held in Glendale, Arizona.

And while I'm a fan of Florida's mascot, I'm 100% behind my alma mater. GO BUCKS!

(Maybe the Gators will be crushed by this Giant Buckeye of Doom. Ha ha.)

Yes, I'm still here

Okay, I know it's been a little while. But it's getting close to the end of the semester and I'm really pretty busy. But since I just found out today that my first exam is five days later than I thought it was, I figured I could spare a few minutes to update the ol' blog.

My first semester of Legal Aid is wrapping up. And by "is wrapping up" I mean "has me incredibly busy scrambling to get ready for an upcoming hearing and keeping my other cases on track too." I had my last ever class of Fed Tax on Friday. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be going in, but maybe I should wait to comment until after the exam (though I'm not terribly worried at the moment). Civil Rights is the class that has a later exam than I thought - a week this Wednesday instead of on Friday. It'll be nice to have the extra time to work on some of the papers I have due for other classes.

I also did what I expect was my last tour of duty of babysitting the courthouse for Trial Ad. Things went smoothly enough except for all the judges deciding to push through and finish trials before breaking for lunch. Since I have to wait until everyone's done before grabbing grub myself, this was a tad bit vexing. Plus it meant that my "morning shift" ended up being the "all day shift." But all's well that ends with yummy (and free) BW3's.

I'm definitely looking forward to being done with the semester in two weeks. By that time I'll be 5/6 of a lawyer (not counting that pesky Bar thing). Anyway, that's it for now. Sorry if this post hasn't been too exciting, but there should be a new 15 on 15 in a few days. And if that's not exciting enough for you either, well, you can always make a personal blog topic request. Just don't expect me to get to it before December 16.

My friends are AWESOME

It's been a really good day. Notre Dame crushed Army, and it was a lot of fun watching my last home game as a student here at ND. The Irish broke out the green jerseys - an interesting call. I like them, but they're thought to be cursed. When Notre Dame has used the green jerseys in the past - often in big games - the Irish tend to lose. But this game was supposed to be a sure thing, so we figured this was a way to break the curse and improve the green jerseys' record. But when the Irish started the game looking sluggish and Army jumped out to a 3-0 lead, we were worried. Luckily the team got their act together and ultimately prevailed 41-9.

And Ohio State won The Game - defeating archrival Michigan and clinching a spot in the National Championship. But the big news of the day is that I got to see the entire OSU-Michigan game today despite going to the ND-Army game. How you ask?

Because I have AWESOME friends. Right around the end of the first quarter of today's ND game, Brooke, Adam, Meghan, and Alina (in absentia) surprised me with an incredible gift - a pocket TV to watch The Game with. I wasn't the only person in the stadium watching a portable TV, but I became pretty popular with people seeking updates on the college football duel of the year. (Strangely enough, the ND game announcers didn't give very many updates on the OSU-Michigan game.*)

After the ND game, we headed back to Brooke's for Tortilla Soup (delicious, especially after a long day of standing in the cold) and to watch the end of The Game. Despite an explosive opening (Ohio State led 28-14 at halftime), it was a nail biter of an ending. Michigan played much better in the second half, and OSU had three turnovers. The Wolverines managed to pull within three points, but the Buckeyes held on for the win, 42-39.

So it's been a great day of college football, made even greater by my friends. So here's to Brooke, Meghan, Adam, and Alina - you rock.

* UPDATE: Apparently it was ND coach Weis's decision to not announce the OSU-Michigan score during the game:

"To make sure the Irish weren't focusing on anything else, Weis ordered that the Michigan-Ohio State score not be announced during the game."

But I think they did give at least one score update during the game... so who knows.

15 on 15 - Travel Destinations Edition

The 15 on 15 has been revived, and so I am now happy to present, albeit a little late, my top 15 travel destinations. These are the top 15 places I would choose to visit if I were lucky enough to be provided free round trip airfare and accommodations to anywhere in the world. (This month's 15 on 15 proposal explicitly excluded fictional locations [like the Beach Boys' Kokomo]. I'm also choosing not to include any off-planet destinations, for two main reasons: (1) presently, one cannot travel commercially off-planet [unless you're willing to shell out $20 million to the Russian government to see the International Space Station]; and (2) Honor wouldn't accompany me.)

And now, the list:

15. Easter Island - Because I want a head like the heads you see on Easter Island. Seriously, those giant head statues (moai) are cool. I also want to send my mom a post card from there. Back in 4th grade I was in a geography bee and was asked, "In what body of water would you fine Easter Island?" My mom, who heard "East Ireland," was shocked when I confidently replied the Pacific Ocean - and even more shocked when the moderator announced, "Correct." She realized her mistake a few seconds later, but it's something I still tease her about to this day.

14. Sonoma County/Napa Valley, California - Ah, wine country. I've been there once, but not when I was of legal drinking age. So I think a return visit is definitely in order. Aside from taking part in plenty of wine tasting (honestly, the road trip idea from Sideways is fantastic), I'd probably want to take a trip on the wine train (great food) and maybe even a ride in a hot air balloon.

13. Grand Cayman - Possibly my favorite Caribbean island. Grand Cayman boasts such attractions as: Stingray City, a sandbar where snorkelers and divers can feed stingrays; a sea turtle farm; and some of the best beaches I've ever been to. It's also the home banks that cater to the rich and powerful - a tropical Switzerland, if you will. Hmm, maybe I should join a tax firm that sends its attorneys to Grand Cayman. Honestly, you can hardly go wrong with a Caribbean island. But this one stands out in my memory as being really nice. And they have an awesome mascot - a pirate turtle! The currency exchange rate isn't really favorable to American tourists though.

12. Paris, France - Ah, Paris. The city of light, the city of love. You can stroll the banks of the Seine. You can have lunch in a charming outdoor cafe. You've got the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame, Versailles, the Louvre... in short, there's a lot to see and do. Plus, you can easily take a few days to escape the city and venture into the countryside. There are castles in the Loire valley, or if you head further south (and east), there's the French Riviera.

11. London, England - I spent a summer in London a little over a year ago and loved it. There are plenty of sights and attractions and I barely scratched the surface while I was there. It's a bit crazy to navigate the city at first, but that's also part of the city's charm. If I go back, there are a few things on the top of my to-do list: take in a Shakespearean play at The Globe; ride the London Eye; tour Parliament; trek out to Windsor Castle; go to the theatre; ride the top of a double decker bus (stupid terrorists...); and of course, hit up a few pubs. Note: check out the sidebar (if you haven't already) to see photos of my stay in London.

10. Rome, Italy - I would love to get back to Rome someday. I did get to see some of the city back during high school when the Latin Club organized a summer trip to Greece and Italy. In addition to Italian food (and gelato!) , there's the rich history of the Roman Empire to take in. When I was there you couldn't actually walk around the Forum, so hopefully I'd get the chance to do that. It would be a lot of fun to just wander around the city, Roman Holiday style. And with a little extra time, I'd want to branch out and see other spots in Italy as well. The Italian countryside is very scenic, and I think it would be awesome to check out Tuscany. There's also Florence to consider, as well as Pisa and Venice - two cities I've never visited but would love to explore. But I'd still want to keep Rome as the home base of operations.

9. Prague, Czech Republic - I've only been here while staring at Scrabble tiles, and as vexing as that situation is, I'd love to see it for real. Prague is one of the most popular travel destinations in Europe, and everyone I've talked to recommends it. I hear it's incredibly picturesque, even by quaint European city standards.

8. Switzerland - Ah, the land of cheese, banks, and cuckoo clocks. And don't forget Lake Geneva. The country is nestled in the Alps, so I'd be looking to hit the slopes at least once while I was there. Since Switzerland borders Germany, France, and Italy, you can get a flavor of many different aspects of Western Europe. In fact, Switzerland is like the heart of Western Europe, if your heart were isolationist and neutral. Okay, that made no sense. Moving on...

7. Reykjavik, Iceland - No, this isn't on my list just because I like the city's name. That's only part of the reason. Seriously, I've heard Iceland is really nice. The country abounds with natural wonders from volcanoes to glaciers. There are also wildlife sightseeing tours. If you visit during the summer months you can experience the land of the midnight sun. Alternatively, Iceland is a prime location to check out the Northern Lights (aka the Aurora Borealis). Bonus trivia: Reykjavik is the world's northernmost capital, and hosted the epic 1972 World Chess Championship between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

6. The Greek Isles - Greece is cool, but I'd wager the Greek Isles are even cooler. The Mediterranean is beautiful in general, and the Greek Isles are home to especially breathtaking vistas. I don't really know enough about any specific islands, so I'm listing any/all of them as a potential travel destination.

5. Tokyo, Japan - The world's largest city. I'm not even sure I can articulate my fascination with this destination. Japanese culture in general is intriguing, and Tokyo is pretty much the center of that. I don't know what I expect to find visiting Tokyo, but I know a number of people who've been and really enjoyed it. I imagine it's something of an alternate reality New York City, but with more technology and shorter people. As those comical T-shirts quip, "I'm huge in Japan." Okay, so I wouldn't be huge. But at least I'd probably be able to see over most people for a change.

4. China - Yes, it's a huge country. But I don't know of any particular city that I would choose to visit over any other. There's cosmopolitan Shanghai, the "Forbidden City" of Beijing, bustling Hong Kong... I'd like to see them all. And then there are more things to see that aren't a part of those cities - like the Great Wall and Tibet. Plus, there's the undeniable impulse to reconnect with some of my heritage.

3. Hawaii - The only other U.S. destination to make my top 15. In retrospect, there are probably some great American cities that could bump Easter Island off the list, but that was a much more entertaining entry. Anyway, there's no place in the U.S. I'd rather visit than Hawaii. A lot of that is probably because I've never been there. There are a couple different islands to sample, and there's natural beauty aplenty. I'd also want to check out Volcano National Park. Maybe I'd even get to see my distant cousin* croon "Tiny Bubbles." And it has the whole tropical appeal, with beaches and tropical drinks. In fact, if Honor and I ever decide to drop the whole law thing I've suggested moving out to Hawaii to open a tropical drink stand. (Oh yeah, the natives would hate us.) If this plan is successful, everyone reading this blog is invited - first round's on the house.

2. Australia (Or New Zealand. Or Australia.) - Really, I'd like to see both Australia and New Zealand. And in a perfect world (why not? after all, we're already suspending disbelief to consider the benevolent random stranger handing out free travel vouchers, right?), they'd be part of a package deal. New Zealand is renowned for its scenic landscapes (and sheep - though admittedly, that's much less of a draw), and just seems like a really cool place to visit. I've wanted to visit Australia for about as long as I can remember. Maybe it's the whole southern hemisphere/standing upside down thing. Or the kangaroos and koalas. And duckbill platypuses. All the Aussies I've met (mostly students in London two summers ago) have been very friendly. So put another shrimp on the barbie, mate, and I'll meet ya down under.

1. Tahiti - This was a tough call, but Tahiti narrowly edged out Australia. I think the tropical aspect is what carried the day (especially given the fact that the South Bend winter is steadily approaching). Lush vegetation, sandy white beaches, the blue green sea lapping at the shore... it's relaxing just to think about it. Plus, there are nice coral reefs to snorkel or dive. And while I'm dreaming of such a getaway, I'd like to get a catamaran and sail around French Polynesia to hit some of the smaller surrounding islands and find those less accessible spots.

No honorable mentions this time around - in part because I'm feeling lazy, and in part because there are just so many great travel destinations out there to choose from. If you're looking for ideas, I'd suggest checking out lists by Derek, Brooke, and Craig.

* Yeah, so he's not really my cousin.

"We have Troy Smith. You don't."

For an entertaining preview of this season's biggest match up in college football (aka The Game), check out this story. It's a fun debate between an Ohio State alum and Michigan alum. They cover a lot of ground: rowdy fans, the Toledo War, Woody Hayes' infamous 1968 2-pt conversion attempt (OSU was leading 50-14), and even what game plans to expect from each team come Saturday. And don't worry, there's plenty of trash talk.

OSU-Michigan is a big game every year. This time around it's huge. And apparently it's the first time the two teams have met as 1 vs 2. I'm going to miss the beginning of The Game because I'll be in the Notre Dame stands watching the Irish pulverize Army. But after that I'm definitely catching the end of this one.

And as always... GO BUCKS!

Coming soon...

... is a new 15 on 15. Except it won't be on the 15th, obviously. Probably more like the 17th. I had hoped to get it posted tonight, but it's taking a bit longer than I expected and I have a number of more pressing matters at hand. So check back soon, passports in hand, for an exciting look at my top 15 travel destinations.

MPREally?

So I took the MPRE today. You can probably imagine how psyched I was to spend my Saturday morning taking a standardized test on legal ethics. At least it's a short test - 60 multiple choice questions in about two hours. But in the grand tradition of all law-related examinations, it's almost impossible to figure out how it went. I've heard that everyone comes out of the test feeling nervous and unsure about how they did. From my experience and in talking with some of my friends, I'd say that assessment is dead on. I won't go into the nuts and bolts of it, but I'll just say that it wasn't quite like the practice tests I took while preparing. But 10 of the 60 questions are "experimental" and don't count, so I'm hoping the thornier problems fell into that category.

I also have to say that in my extensive experience with standardized tests, this one did not seem to run as smoothly as I would have expected. Usually there's a set routine, and the proctor goes through things methodically and mechanically. Maybe our proctor was just less experienced, or maybe the MPRE instructions aren't as scripted. But from the casual offering of #2 pencils to determining when to hand out the test booklets to dealing with addresses too long for the allocated space on the answer sheet, things just weren't handled in the regimented way I've come to expect from standardized tests. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, just different.

So as for this whole MPRE thing... I'm not sure what else to say. I'll get my results back in about five weeks and then I'll know which states think I'm ethical enough to practice in their jurisdiction. And, well, I could always take the MPRE again in March...

A big day for OSU

Yesterday, one OSU team trounced Minnesota 44-0. Another OSU knocked off USC. It was a good day for both Buckeye and Beaver fans. Oh, and ND beat Navy. The Irish definitely had more momentum (that's mass times velocity, by the way) than the Midshipmen in the second half.

Geeking up football

Okay, just a quick rant here. Navy is doing really well this year and looks to win the "Commander in Chief trophy" (best record of the service academies) for the fourth straight year. This is all fine and well. But I have to take exception to a quote from one of the Navy players to the AP:

Ballard, who was named the game's MVP, gained the tough yards inside. Afterward, the economics major had a simple explanation for his success.

"A lot of it is just momentum," he said. "You know, mass times acceleration. It comes down to that." (emphasis added)

Okay, I know the guy is an econ major, but if he's going to talk like this someone has to sit down and teach him some physics. Momentum is NOT mass times acceleration - it's mass times velocity (p = mv); Force is mass times acceleration (F = ma). Seriously, what are they teaching these kids at Annapolis?

Beware the sake bomber

No it's not an ethnic slur along the lines of "I totally got Pearl Harbored!"

And it's not a more successful relative of Chicken Teriyaki.

It's actually a drink - and apparently it's bad news. According to famed tennis player Roger Federer, one sake bomber during dinner can lead to violent nightmares, hallucinations, extreme disorientation, generalized paranoia, and even personal injury.

So I'd recommend skipping the sake bomber and sticking with a pan-galactic gargleblaster.

A brief State of the Alex post

I realize I haven't talked much about my life on this blog lately. I'm guessing at least some people who visit this site may actally be interested in my goings-on and don't just come for the witty commentary on random stuff.

So, a brief rundown on all things in the world of Alex.

Classes are going well. The current lineup is: Civil Rights, Law & Psychology, FedTax, and Legal Aid. Civil Rights is interesting stuff. So far it's pretty much been all §1983 all the time (not that that's a bad thing). And sometimes we get fun multimedia presentations. Law & Psych is interesting stuff. A fair amount of it is review from my undergrad psych days. For example, we've talked about stats, corrleation not implying causation, and even looked at the Milgram and Zimbardo experiments. But there've also been some fun cases, like the infamous case that raised "the twinkie defense." FedTax isn't nearly as bad as one might think, and we even get to hear about interesting stories like setting up a baseball team as a charity or how Al Capone was ultimately brought down for tax evasion.

The Legal Aid classes are okay (sometimes it's actually fun - Professional Responsibility Jeopardy!, mock motion hearings, and a mock trial of Don Quixote), but the main reason to take Legal Aid is for the clinic. I can't go into specifics of what I do at the clinic (due to confidentiality), but so far it's been very interesting and rewarding. It's introduced me to a lot of law I haven't studied much in my other classes, so there's considerable learning on the fly. I've worked on guardianships, powers of attorney, and a social security benefits. I've also had a successful hearing in court, so my current trial record in actual cases is 1-0.

I only have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, but I don't exactly have days off - I usually spend Tuesdays and Thursdays at the clinic. The clinic can definitely eat up time, but at least I'm enjoying it.

Outside of classes and the clinic, I've been trying to enjoy my third and final year of law school. There's ND football on Saturdays, with "tailgating without a tailgate" (which sounds like a great name for a show on TBS - along the lines of "Dinner and a Movie" or "Movies for Guys Who Like Movies"). I've had one friend visit and attend a game so far, and this weekend my sister and her boyfriend will be in town to see ND trounce Stanford. My friends and I have also been making regular outings to Fiddler's Hearth, the best Irish Pub I've ever been to. And while the weather's been nice, I've played the occasional round of golf. Or prehaps I should say I've gone out and tried hitting some golf balls around, because calling what I do "golf" is probably an affront to the game.

Ok, so enough about me. I want to hear about what you have to say about me. :)

Interesting legal tidbits of the day

Strange laws courtesy of my "Legal Lunacies" page-a-day calendar:

Featherbeds were once outlawed in Buenos Aires, Argentina, because they encourage "lascivious feelings."


"My rise to power might have been much more difficult if that one hadn't been repealed..."

In Turkey during the 16th and 17th centuries, drinking coffee was a serious crime punishable by death.


Ye Olde Starbucks's business model did not call for expansion to Ankara.


In Uruguay, duels are illegal -- unless both parties are registered blood donors.


"If only I could have changed the venue to the banks of the Rio Negro..."
[Ed. note: Yes, I know Uruguay didn't even declare independence (1825) until 21 years after the duel (1804). Just go with it.]

So long and thanks for... the prosthetic tail

Check this out. Surely the dolphin will express her thanks with a surprisingly sophisticated double backward somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the Star-Spangled Banner.

And now, just for fun:

Arrr, it be ITLAPD

Avast me hearties! Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Get ye out the jolly roger and run up the rigging. What say ye? Ye be wantin' to pillage me grog? I be disinclined to acquiesce to your request. (Means 'NO.')

I be doin' me part to help all ye on this fine holiday. Here be a good website describin' the origins of ITLAPD.

Needs ye help learnin' how to talk like a pirate? Check ye out this instructional video. It be a fine piece of work. But remember, they're more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules.


Nay, Jim Lad. Ye got to stretch out yer 'arrr.'

Arrr, a happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day to all ye salty sea dogs and saucy wenches. May today be a day of calm seas and smooth sailin'.


Yarrr, it be a good day to be a pirate.

Ouch

Michigan trounced Notre Dame, 47-21.
It was an ugly, painful game. Let us never speak of it again.

In other news, Ohio State cruised to another victory against Cincinnati, 37-7. At least one of my teams did something right today. GO BUCKS!

The play's the thing

Last night, Brooke, Alina, and I went to see Hamlet as performed by the Actors From The London Stage (AFTLS). It was a terrific show. The entire play is performed by a cast of five actors who each play many different parts. Characters are generally distinguished from each other by a slight change in costume - usually the addition of a hat or scarf. Occassionally this leads to some interesting and entertaining scenes where one actor is playing multiple roles in the same scene. By far the funniest example of this was the actor who played both Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (who always appear onstage together), though a scene featuring Queen Gertrude talking to a scarf representing Ophelia was also amusing. (Although the humor level would increase even more if the programs had contained inserts stating: "In tonight's performance, the part of Ophelia will be played by a white silk scarf.")

There's no scenery and, aside from the small changes in wardrobe, almost no props. Although I have no problem with minimalism, it'd have been nice to have a skull for the graveyard scene and foils for the fencing match at the end of the play. (Incidently, the use of different colored gloves in place of foils was a clever touch.) But the acting was very good. I probably wouldn't recommend this production for anyone looking to see Hamlet for the first time; the minimalism combined with Shakespeare's dialogue might make it difficult for some to follow. But anyone who's already familiar with the play would appreciate and enjoy this rendition. On a related note, I also highly recommend Kenneth Branagh's movie adaptation to anyone who enjoys good plays and good movies.

Bradley comes to South Bend

This past weekend, my friend Brad came to visit. Brad's currently relaxing after finishing law school and sitting for the Ohio bar, so he had a little free time to drive to South Bend and take in the sights.


Bradley is less than impressed with his South Bend accommodations.

On Friday afternoon we played some golf on the Notre Dame 9-hole course.


Bradley hits a nice shot out of the bunker.

Saturday was a day of football. We kicked things off with Brooke's "Tailgate Without a Tailgate"(TM) cookout. After some food and beer, we headed to the stadium to watch Notre Dame crush Penn State, 41-7. Then it was back to Brooke's for pizza and the Ohio State-Texas game. This hotly anticipated game had been preceded with a week's worth of good-natured smack talk between Brooke and me. Best of the week:

Setting: Law school lounge, approximately 9:45am. Brooke has just walked up to our table.

Me: So Brooke, how do you like your steaks cooked?
Brooke: (pause) Um, medium rare. Why?
Me: Well, I figured there'll be plenty of beef to go around after the Buckeyes slaughter the Longhorns this weekend!
Onlookers: Oh, snap!

In spite of this buildup, the banter during the game was a bit anti-climactic. We were all pretty tired at this point and it was all we could do to muster the appropriate cheers for good plays by our respective teams. When it was all over, Brad and I were psyched that OSU prevailed.

Before Brad took off on Sunday, we went out for breakfast at the American Pancake House. The food was great, and I have to go back if for no other reason than to pick up the placemat with an ad for the ultimate miracle concoction, an all-natural panacea for all that ails ya. I'd tell you more about it, but I can't remember what it's called. (You know, because I didn't get a placemat and therefore have to go back.)

All in all, it was a fun weekend and it was good to see Brad again. If you're interested in planning an exciting destination vacation to exotic South Bend, contact your travel agent. And once s/he finishes laughing at you, send me an email.

(NOTE: It probably goes without saying, but the pictures posted above are not actually of Brad, but are instead actors in dramatic reenactments of actual-ish events.)

Back to Blogging

Okay, sorry about the ridiculously long and completely unannounced blogging hiatus.

My bad. Mea culpa. Je suis désolé. Lo siento. Es tut mir leid. Mi dispiace. Förlåt. Zhen bao qian. (etc....)



As I understand it, the half-dozen people who actually read this were moderately concerned about my well-being and were terribly inconvenienced by having to find something else to read on the internets. To those of you who are such die-hard fans that you kept visiting this site day after day hoping for a new post and were repeatedly disappointed, I offer my most sincere apologies. To those who stopped by occasionally and quickly left when confronted with the same old post, I'm sorry. To those of you who have stopped reading altogether... well, you're not reading this anyway, but I apologize nonetheless. I'll redouble my efforts and promise never to take such a long break without warning again.

I wish that I could say that there was a good reason for the long lapse in posting, but honestly I've got nothing. I didn't join the merchant marines or head off to Africa to participate in doctors without borders. I haven't been sailing the seven seas researching banana sea slugs. I didn't move halfway across the world to teach English to impoverished children. I haven't been studying for the bar, ranching it up in New Mexico, or trekking the Himalayas in search of enlightenment. However, if a touch of self-delusion would help you cope, feel free to let your imagination have free reign with one of the above flights of fancy or one of your own devising (which you could always post in the comments).

If I had a hammer... I'd probably pound the podium.

Sometimes it can be good to be a rising 3L - at least when it comes to scheduling. There are no other classes ahead of us, so we get the first crack at next fall's lineup. (Not that they're teaching law next year at our law school. Catholic Social Thought? Mercy and Justice? International Art Law? Maybe it is possible to be sick the day they teach law at law school.) Fortunately my registration time was early enough to get all of the classes I wanted. The only one I was worried about was the Legal Aid Clinic, which has far fewer spots than any other class. (Still, it wasn't the first class to fill up - that honor belongs to Sports and Inequality.)

Besides the clinic, the class I'm most excited about is a little course called Law and Psychology. I think I'll make it my personal goal to bring up Abraham Maslow at least once by the end of the semester. Double points for using my favorite quote.

Classes are winding down, which means soon it'll be time for the pre-finals crunch. But before we all go insane, we do get a temporary reprieve in the form of Easter Break - essentially a long weekend. But not all of my classes will be making a mad dash to finish off the syllabus. In my International Dispute Resolution class we'll be conducting a mock negotiation to create part of a mock multilateral environmental treaty. I never got to play mock UN in school, so I guess this will be the next best thing. I'll be representing fair Britannia. It's too bad that I don't have a British (or even faux-British) accent. I was secretly hoping to be assigned to the Russian delegation so that I could hammer the podium with my shoe. But since I'll be representing the UK, I'll have to act much more dignified. Maybe if things get too heated I can make the civilized suggestion that we all break for tea.

Monkeys

(pic courtesy of ishkur.com, parodying the despair.com demotivational posters)

Yeah, so sorry for the lack of new posts lately. I guess I just haven't felt all that inspired. That, and I don't have worker monkeys to help out with posting new stuff. Although judging from the CareerBuilder monkeys, maybe that's not a bad thing. But if I did have worker monkeys to do my bidding, I think I'd choose the winged variety. They'd be more versatile that way. But I wouldn't dress them up in those bellboy outfits; that's just cruel. Haven't you always wanted a monkey? (Okay, time to stop channeling Barenaked Ladies.)

Anyway, I hope to get a few more posts in before the finals crunchtime hits. A few things to keep an eye out for: ICBM bowling season recap, a new 15-0n-15 (topic still TBD), and maybe even (gasp!) a law school related post or two. So hopefully that'll whet your appetite enough to keep checking back. Until then, I'll still be on the lookout for talented trained monkeys. And if you happen to know any that are particularly adept at taking law exams, get in touch with me ASAP. (Derek and Brad need not apply. [I kid, I kid.])

New pictures -- Barrister's Ball

New pictures for your viewing pleasure! (Many thanks to Susan who captured the shot above.) You can check out the whole set by clicking the link to the right or by clicking here.

Smoking out the truth

Here at NDLS, there's a weekly publication known as the Patty O'Herald (named for our infamous dean). It's primarily posted in the bathrooms, though sometimes there are copies taped to the refrigerator and elsewhere in the law school. The newsletter includes announcements of upcoming law school events, SBA news, and humorous law-related or law-inspired news blurbs, jokes, and anecdotes. Today there was one such story that caught my eye. Here's the story:

A Charlotte NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous, however; the judge stated that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced him to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

(quoted courtesy of this site)

Now for the kicker. The story's a sham. A phony. Fake. Not true. In short, urban legend.
I suppose one shouldn't expect much from a self-described bathroom rag. But a little fact checking wouldn't hurt. A quick trip to snopes is all it takes.

Honor makes the front page

... of the South Bend Tribune!

You can see the picture here (for now (third down)) and here (for archival purposes).

Despite being in town for only a few days, Honor graced the front page of last Friday's SBT. We had attended an event on Thursday sponsored by the Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty - David Kaczynski, brother of the Unabomber, came to speak. It was a very moving talk.

Anyway, some reporters from the Tribune came to do a story on the event, and snapped several pictures. The one with Honor in it is one of a couple that made the front page.

The Tribune's story on the event, which doesn't really do it full justice, can be found here (at least for a few days).

Update

Honor's in town! Things got off to a bit of a rocky start when United lost her luggage on Wednesday, but they finally got it to her later that night. We went out to Fiddler's Hearth. Yesterday was one of the few "nice days" here in South Bend, so we spent some of it outside. Honor and I also grabbed lunch at Mandarin House. Adam and Brooke joined us for pre-bowling dinner at the Mishawaka Brewing Company (MishBrewCo). Bowling was pretty fun.

Tonight is the Barrister's Ball, so we'll be dancing up a storm. I'll try to get some photos of that up in a few days for your viewing pleasure.

That's about it for now. But I want to highly recommend one website you can check out if you're distressed at the lack of updates to this blog. Check out Improv Everywhere -- so incredibly funny. Their missions are comedic gold.

15 on 15(+6) - TV edition

Yeah, I'm a few days late on this one. And I don't watch TV too often these days, so my list may be even more eccelectic than you'd expect. Anyway, without further ado:

15. Iron Chef (the Japanese version, dubbed in English) - My all-time favorite cooking show. Top-notch chefs battle head-to-head to fashion tasty and creative dishes that incorporate a specified ingredient. This show is hysterical on many levels. First, there's the host (I think he's called the Chairman or something like that), who's always dressed up in some flashy shirt (my dad refers to him as "The Japanese Mozart") and is the only guy who's voice isn't dubbed into English. He's serious about his food; he even relishes biting into a yellow bell pepper like an apple in the show's opening credits. The challenger enters the arena (Kitchen Stadium) like a heavyweight prizefighter, and then selects one of the Iron Chefs by calling out his name and pointing to a giant mural of that chef. The Iron Chef rises from below the stage with the appropriate amount of dramatic music and smoke. Then the Chairman announces the ingredient and uncovers said ingredient by whipping a dropcloth off of the ingredient table with a dramatic flourish. Then the clock starts - the chefs have an hour to prepare their dishes. The majority of the show follows the progress of the two chefs (and their various sous chef helpers) as they scramble about the kitchen. This is accompanied by play-by-play commentary and general chit-chat with Japanese celebrities (who will ultimately judge the meals and determine the outcome). The dubbing is pretty funny too. All in all, the Japanese version is far superior to the American spin-off.
Favorite episode: I'm not sure I can pick out any one episode in particular. But Iron Chef Morimoto defeating American challenger Bobby Flay was a classic.

14. The Dick Van Dyke Show - Ah, "classic" television, in vintage black and white. Thanks to the advent of TV on DVD, I recently got to see several episodes from this series, and it's a great show. Dick Van Dyke is a master of physical comedy and has impeccable timing.
Favorite episode: The Curious Thing About Women -- Where we learn that opening other people's mail can be dnagerous, especially when it's a self-inflating raft.

13. The Cosby Show - I have fond memories of this show from my childhood. It brings back memories of the family all sitting together around the television for some good wholesome entertainment. I'm not sure if that actually happened, but that's what comes to mind when I think of the show. Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable is very amusing, and his children's antics are reminiscent of Cosby's stand-up routine Fatherhood.
Favorite episode: Pilot -- Where Cliff uses Monopoly money to teach Theo about budgeting and finance in the real world.

12. MacGyver - What can I say? MacGyver is just cool. Armed with little more than his Swiss Army knife, some household objects, and an extensive knowledge of chemistry and physics, MacGyver could get himself out of any jam. I'm not really even sure what his job was, but I think it was some sort of governmental secret agent gig.
Favorite episode: It's been a long time since I've seen this show, so I can't remember any one episode clearly enough to list as a favorite. But you can check out an episode guide here.

11. Law & Order - It's high drama "ripped from the headlines." And you've gotta love the dramatic gavel sound. Derek and I once thought up a drinking game to this show, but I don't know if we'd be able to make it through a full episode. Although I don't see myself ever being a prosecutor, I'd still like to have Jack McCoy's courtroom presence. And I have to say that watching this show probably had a strong influence on how I portrayed mock trial police officers.
Favorite episode: This show has been on for years, and I doubt I've seen even half the episodes. Nevertheless I have seen quite a few, and they start to blend together after a while. Add to that the complication of the various spin-off shows and I have no clue what my favorite episode is.

10. The Daily Show - A fantastic show. Oh, and I'm talking about The Daily Show in its current incarnation, anchored by Jon Stewart -- not the original with Craig Killborn. This show is like a televised version of The Onion, but funnier because the news stories are real. In addition to Stewart's hillarious take on current event, the show has a bunch of correspondents who do field pieces with the severity of Dateline or 20/20. Throw in a random Lewis Black rant, and you've got one heck of a show.
Favorite episode: Because of the topical nature of the show, it's hard to pick out a favorite. I'd just recommend watching it whenever you get a chance, or catch up on clips of the show over at Comedy Central.

9. The Colbert Report - Stephen Colbert got his start as a correspondent on The Daily Show, and now he has his own spin-off that follows it. Colbert's show is basically a parody of The O'Reilly Factor. Like The Daily Show, it pokes fun at current events. It's brimming with ego and self-aggrandisement as well as self-referential humor.

Favorite episode: Again, this one's topical. Check out the clips on Comedy Central -- especially segments like "The Word" and "Threatdown."

8. Jeopardy! - The king of game shows. This show brings back fond memories of quiz team in high school. Like any good game show, you can play along at home, and either marvel at what kinds of things the contestants know or scream at the television in frustration when they miss an "obvious" one.
Favorite episode: Any episode with a healthy dose of answers I know the question to. :)

7. The X-Files - The truth is out there. This is one of the few series which I followed fairly faithfully while it was on TV. It had its highs and lows, which is part of the reason it's lower in these standings. FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully trek across the country (and sometimes the globe) investigating the paranormal - which invariably turns out to be some amazing or freaky phenomenon that modern science cannot really account for. (And while we as the audience got to "see the truth," Mulder and Scully never seemed to hold onto the crucial evidence that would prove the existence of the varioius phenomena. And amazingly, no matter how many mutant creatures they found, Scully always insisted that it had to be something less exotic and more explainable by science. That's not to say that Mulder was always right; many of his theories were pretty outlandish, and occasionally it was something explainable.) The show tracked everything from weird mutants to werewolves to astral projection, but aliens and alien abduction was a recurring theme. In fact, the backbone of the series revolved around the government's knowledge and collusion with aliens. All in all, the show could be weird at times, but it was suspenseful and frequently pretty funny too.
Favorite episode: The first few seasons were by far the best. The show really went downhill after Mulder left the show; the Mulder-Scully dynamic was a fundamental part of the show. Little Green Men is good, and is probably the first episode I saw. But my favorite is probably Jose Chung's From Outer Space.

6. Arrested Development - I've only just recently been introduced to this fine show, thanks to Adam and Matt. And while I haven't even gotten through all of the first season, it's downright hysterical and I've been promised the best is yet to come. The characters are outrageous and over the top, and I marvel at the minds that devised the bizarre yet amazingly funny plots. It's full of quotable lines. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this series, thanks again to TV on DVD.
Favorite Episode (so far): Top Banana -- Where we learn that "there's always money in the banana stand," and "OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE... sale."

5. The Practice - A counterpoint to Law & Order - "reasonable doubt for a reasonable fee." It's a great legal drama with compeling characters and interesting cases. There are plenty of trial tactics to love, and the show isn't afraid to confront the ethical turmoil of defending clients you know are guilty. But we get to peek inside the DA's offices as well, and see both the valiant struggles for justice and the potential of prosecutorial abuse of power.
Favorite Episode: Once again, the early episodes were the best. Things started to fall apart as some of the main characters dropped out of the picture. Bringing James Spader on board was a good attempt to save the series, but it wasn't to be. Luckily, Spader's character got spun off to Boston Legal, which while good isn't as good as The Practice. All said and done, my favorite episode has Eugene giving a thoroughly masterful cross examination. I'm not 100% sure, but I think it was the fifth episode in the first season (Part V - it was before they were naming the episodes apparently).

4. Whose Line Is It Anyway? - If you want to watch something really funny, watch this show. I think it's only on ABC Family now, which is a shame, but if you've never seen the show I highly recommend it. Often imitated, never replicated. This is great improv comedy. I used to watch the original British version on Comedy Central (back when I had cable); later, Drew Carey created an American version. The British version had more rotation among the participating comedians, which added a little variety. But the American cast (Ryan and Colin were veterans of the British show) is so good that you don't really need any others.
Favorite episode: It's an improv show; half the fun is seeing what wild and zany stuff they'll come up with next. So my favorite episode is probably one I haven't seen yet. But even if it's a repeat, it's still hysterical and I'll still end up watching it.

3. Jeeves & Wooster - Based on the characters created by P.G. Wodehouse, this show is everything that makes British 'humour' great. Wooster and company engage in all types of crazy hijinx and find themselves in increasingly funny entanglements. Luckily the ever-wise and incomparable Jeeves is there to sort things out.
Favorite episode: The Bassets' Fancy Dress Ball (or, A Plan For Gussie) -- Where we meet the infamous (and hillarious) Spode and learn he has a deep, dark secret...

2. The West Wing - A very well written show with great characters. Really, I'm not sure what I can say about this show that Derek hasn't mentioned in his various blog posts. Given the state of government, sometimes I wish Martin Sheen was President.
Favorite episode: Hartsfield's Landing -- The President proves his mental prowess both on the chessboard and in balancing delicate and dangerous diplomacy with China and Taiwan.

1. Firefly - I learned about this show after it had already been cancelled. It had an entirely too-short run on FOX. It's really a great show; I guess given the kinds of shows FOX generally shows, Firefly was just too good for the network. Despite it's short run, the show's done very well in DVD sales and even spawned a movie. I think there are still some efforts to bring this show back, which I think would be fantastic. Firefly is a space-western set aboard the Firefly-class spaceship Serenity. It was created by Joss Whedon (creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel). What really makes the show is its cast of characters. They're fairly complex with dynamic relationships between each other. The episodes that were made had some great plots, and Whedon's sense of humor and knack for snappy dialogue (peppered with some Chinese words and phrases!) makes for some great TV.
Favorite episode: Out of Gas is a great episode that examines how many members of the crew met. These flashbacks are incorporated into a storyline in which an explosion on Serenity illustrates the fragility of life in space. It's beautifully shot and has some great music as well.

Spring Break Update

I'm blogging this morning via wireless (as opposed to the dreaded dial-up connection); many thanks to the neighbors. :) Actually, I'm just glad that my wireless is working again. Yesterday I took my laptop to a Panera up in Columbus, only to have problems connecting. My computer would tell me that it was connected, but I had no IP address and couldn't use the connection in any way. Well, it turns out I didn't have the correct driver installed.

When Dell sent me my new hard drive and support software, the CD with the drivers and utilities didn't have my model (Inspiron 8600) listed. (This is probably because Dell doesn't make the 8600 anymore, so they don't have the associated stuff kicking around anymore.) But there were some drivers that were supposedly compatible with the hardware I have, so I installed those. Last night I found my old diagnostic discs (the ones that originally came with my computer), and after reinstalling the proper drivers everything seems to be working fine.

I also found a copy of Word Perfect, so I'll be able to read any files that my professors send in wpd format. So all in all, things are looking up for my computer.

I also got to skate yesterday. It was my first time back on the ice in many, many moons. I stuck to dance, so no jumps and spins. Maybe if I'm feeling adventurous I'll try a little freestyle in a few days. But for now it just felt good to be back out on the ice.

Not much else to report. The weather's been a bit crazy here - fluctuating temperatures, wicked wind, huge thunderstorms - but I guess the whole country is experiencing meteorological weirdness right now. Otherwise, things are pretty quiet here in Ohio.

Back up and running

I'm happy to report that my computer is once again working. My new hard drive arrived earlier today, and I'm working on getting it back to the way things were before the old hard drive conked out. A few observations:

• Hard drives are ridiculously easy to install.
• Reinstalling Windows XP was less of a pain than I expected.
• I have Microsoft Word again, but I no longer have a copy of Word Perfect. This is going to get annoying very quickly since it seems the vast majority of law professors use Word Perfect.
• Firefox is still cooler than Internet Explorer.
• The new AIM (Triton, or something?) is incredibly annoying.

In non-computer-related news, it's officially spring break! Okay, so more like mid-semester break, as it is technically still winter. But it was really nice outside today, so I could at least imagine that it's spring.

I'll be driving back to Chillicothe tomorrow morning, and I'll spend the first half of the week in Ohio. Then it'll be off to Boston for the rest of the week! So blogging will probably be light for a while.

Technical difficulties, please stand by

I apologize for the lack of posts, and further apologize that there probably won't be any new posts for at least a few more days. My laptop decided to die, and I doubt there'll be a new entry until things are fixed. Hopefully that won't take too long, but who knows. Luckily I have the extended warranty for my laptop, so Dell ought to do something about this. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope to be back soon.

Legal News: Sea Sponge Edition

Okay, this was just too funny to not blog about.

We all know that it's important to proofread a brief before you submit it to the court -- few things undermine your credibility more than rampant spelling errors. But it's important to note that proofreading entails more than simply running the spell checker. (Note to Derek: when running the spell checker, make sure the spell checker knows the proper spelling for "appellant.")

Of course, there's nothing wrong with using the spell check. I even heartily recommend the practice. But you need to exercise some oversight, and not simply have the program automatically make all the corrections it wants. (Seriously, who actually does this? Half the time the spell checker suggests some crazy alternative for a mistyped word...) Word processing programs frequently don't like legal jargon -- I think it has a hard time with Latin. Some might circumvent this problem by adding common legal terms to the spell checker's dictionary. What you don't want to do is let the spell checker run amok. A San Francisco attorney recently learned the hard way about dangers of relying on spell check's automatic corrections.

Almost any first year soon becomes familiar with the term sua sponte. But the spell checker becomes very confused by this string of letters. The closest approximation based on its algorithm is... "sea sponge." Which anyone should recognize means something completely different. (I actually tried this on Microsoft Word, and it came up with "sue sponge.") So relying on the spell checker leads to such wackiness as:

"It is well settled that a trial court must instruct sea sponge on any defense, including a mistake of fact defense."

I imagine it would be hard for a court to take you seriously after a sentence like that. Plus, the judge is more likely to think of this, when you'd rather be pictured as this.

Fun fact: you can reverse the trick at dictionary.com!

So be careful when checking over those briefs. Supervise your spell checker. And read your brief over -- actual proofreading -- before submitting it. Otherwise people may think your head is filled with this instead of this (though it is interesting how they do kind of look similar...).

Grumblin' Gumbel

I still hope to do a Torino wrap-up with my final general thoughts on all of skating in the past fortnight and the Olympics in general. But before getting around to that I read this post by Ruvym and saw Bryant Gumbel's rant about the Winter Games. (This website has good links to the rant in several different formats (additional video format here); there's also an excerpt of the rant in text format if you can't/don't want to watch the clip. Full text of the rant is available here. It's not very long, so I recommend reading that before continuing reading this post.)

As I remarked in Ruvym's comments, I disagree with Gumbel both in his general sentiment and many of the specific statements. But I want to go a bit more in depth here, in something of a point-counterpoint fashion. (Just as a note: I'm a big fan of free speech, and I in no way mean to suggest that Gumbel doesn't have the right to make any of his remarks. I'm simply exercising my right to disagree, vocally, with those remarks.)

"Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing."

Okay, so the ancient Greeks didn't have many of the sports that comprise the Winter Games. So what? Most of the events in the Summer Games weren't around back then either. The Olympics have grown far beyond the scope of the Games held by the ancient Greeks. These are the modern Games.

"So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention."

It's true that there aren't as many black athletes in the Winter Games as there are in other sports. But that doesn't mean that those competing are not the worldn's greatest athletes. Without getting into the "Is it a sport?" question (we'll get back to that one), does Gumbel really mean to suggest that the Olympians are not the world's greatest athletes in their respective events, in part or whole because there aren't many blacks competing? I'm sure there's been discrimination in some sports -- Shani Davis's experience in speed skating comes to mind. And beyond specific acts of discrimination, there are certain financial or socio-economic barriers that may effectively discriminate against blacks. But that's certainly not specific to blacks, and I imagine it's not the full story. Many countries have specific strengths when it comes to the Olympics. We don't see many winter athletes from Australia, but they make a strong showing in the Summer Games, especially swimming. And the Scandanavian and Alpine countries, which often dominate some of the winter events, don't show up in the same record numbers for the summer events. So while I can respect any movement that seeks to break down the barriers that stand in the way of anyone who wants to participate, let's not disparage the athletes that are competing and suggest that they are not among the world's greatest.

But maybe Mr. Gumbel meant to suggest that the problem is more within our own country than the world in general - that really it's the lack of African-Americans that questions the legitimacy of ranking Olympians among the world's greatest athletes. But what about the lack of African-American athletes in hockey? Some people have pointed this out, but would Mr. Gumbel ever make similar comments about the racial inequities of the NHL? It also raises a question of how many African-American athletes are even attempting to enter sports like hockey or Winter Olympic events. (Admittedly, this becomes thornier if one contends that a culture of discrimination disuades such attempts.)

"Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won."

Now we come to a very common debate on whether events like figure skating are actual sports. I could (as many others have - to see both sides of the debate, I'd suggest these two articles that I recently came across) go on at some length to defend figure skating as a sport. Maybe I'll devote a future post to discuss this more. But sport or not, how could you not consider figure skaters athletes? Competitive skaters go through training regimens that are just as (if not more) strenuous than those of just about any non-pseudo-athlete Mr. Gumbel would care to mention. If performing triple axels and death drops do not qualify one as an athlete, then no offensive lineman or outfielder deserves the distinction of athlete either.

There are plenty of events in the Summer Olympic Games that have equally subjective judging. Are gymnastics and diving also non-sports engaged in by mere pseudo-athletes? Subjectivity is found in just about every sport; maybe not to the same extent as skating, but you have referees and linesmen that can have a large effect on the outcome. How many questionable on-the-field rulings have ultimately "decide[d] who won?"

And does it even matter whether the event is truly a "sport?" The Olympics are about the spirit of competition, and it doesn't have to be a sport to be competitive. After all, these are the Winter Games -- an event does not have to be a sport to qualify.

"And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don’t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years."

Maybe the announcers and sportswriters don't care about these events. But just because these events get attention only once every four years or so doesn't make these events less important -- especially to the athletes who compete in them. These events may not be as popular. They're certainly not promoted to the same extent as the activities Mr. Gumbel considers sports. But what's wrong with letting these athletes get a share of the limelight every once in a while? Perhaps Mr. Gumbel would rather just forget about most Olympic events. But maybe with a bit of coverage these events would be better understood and not ignored.

"Face it — these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February."

This is perhaps the most hypocritical statement of the bunch. Sure, the Olympics are marketed by television studios. And they have become commercialized. But does Mr. Gumbel contend that it's not the same or worse with any number of other sports in the United States? College football. March Madness. The World Series. The Superbowl. They're all about ratings and money too. And the stars of these "real" sports can look forward to lucrative paychecks and endorsements. What monetary reward is there for gold medalists in most Olympic events? They may get a tour on the late night talkshows, and if they're photogenic enough, maybe they'll pick up some endorsements. But most fade into obscurity shortly after the closing ceremonies. If any athletes are in it for the love of the sport, Olympic athletes are; at least far more so than any "real" athlete Mr. Gumble is likely to name.

So I wholeheartedly agree with Mike Wise when he writes, "Gumbel has a right not to like the Winter Olympics. He can trash curlers, lugers and snowboard-crossers all he wants. But who made him arbiter of all things culturally diverse? Superimposing your own idea of diversity upon athletes from 80 different nations, essentially equating diversity with only race, is just inane." It's entirely Gumbel's prerogative to dislike the Winter Games. He doesn't have to watch them, or report on them. (One has to wonder if he thinks any less of his brother for anchoring CBS's Winter Olympic coverage in the early 1990s.) But I think this rant is in bad taste, not only in what he says but in how he says it (I recommend watching one of the videos to get the full effect). There may be some valid points in there worthy of serious discussion, but much of that is lost in Gumbel's overall tone and rhetoric.

Finally, Gumbel needn't denegrate the athletes competing in the Games just because he doesn't appreciate the sports they pursue. No matter my personal preference on college basketball, I wouldn't attack the players. Why can't those of us who appreciate the Winter Games have a few weeks, every four years, to enjoy them? So let us have our games, Mr. Gumbel, and you can keep that March Madness you're so obviously fond of.

UPDATE: ESPN columnist Gene Wojciechowski has an article that takes a similar view of Gumbel's statements. Thanks to commenter JB from Brendan's blog.