S.O.S.
That's Secretary of State, not a plea for help.
As everyone is undoubtedly aware, Colin Powell has resigned his post as Secretary of State. Though Bush has nominated Condi Rice for the position, she has yet to be confirmed. Leaving all that aside, Derek has posted a new poll, asking who should be the next S.O.S. - Derek, me, Brad, or a Ficus Plant. (Unfortunately, Biscuits the Turkey did not make it onto the ballot.)
I think I am clearly the best candidate on the ballot. And though I know I'd never get the job, since I didn't even vote for Shrub, Jr., I think it would be a nice gesture and in the spirit of non-partisanship and non-nepotism for him to appoint me. I'm not a black woman, but I am a short Asian ice dancer; I'd add diversity, and according to Brad I'm a member of a disadvantaged group that only recently got the right to vote. I like to travel, and if appointed I promise to send cool postcards from all the exotic locales I visit to each person who votes for me on Derek's poll.
Okay, enough fun for now. I hope to write an update on real life later tonight, for all of you who prefer that stuff to my attempts at humor.
3 comments:
In the spirit of true democracy, I have listened to the voice of the people and added another candidate to the SOS Poll on derekwalden.com: Biscuits the Turkey. Rumored to be a popular choice among swing-state voters, Buscuits (more commonly known as Butterball), may steal enough votes from the predicted favorite, Asain Ice-Dancer Alex Ho, to win the SOS race.
Stay tuned to http://www.derekwalden.com/index.htm#_poll as we continue to update the election results.
On Thursday at 7PM, Alex Ho still seems to have a good hold on the SOS race with 38% of the vote counted. Exit polls show Mr. Ho with 62% of the popular vote, (detailed numbers include Ho showing strong numbers with 100% of the South Bend voters, 100% of Indiana voters, 100% of male voters under 5 foot, and 100% of the Asian vote; a poorer showing was found in Ohio voters, voters who prefer Pepsi to Coke, and voters with more than a GED education, all citing issues of "height","pacing", and "median jumping" as areas of concern). Remember early leads can be deceiving- lets not forget Howard Dean. Also, we should keep in mind that people who tend to vote for a non-human object, like a plant or a turkey, often vote late in the election or by absentee ballot. Fear not, derekwalden.com will count every hanging chad twice if it is for the turkey and not at all if it is for Alex. We will keep you posted as we continue to watch The Race To Be The Guy Who Replaces Colin Powell, Derekwalden.com's Super Special Secretary of State Election 2004.
The polls have closed on The Race To Be The Guy Who Replaces Colin Powell, Derekwalden.com's Super Special Secretary of State Election 2004. Derekwalden.com is ready to predict the winner as Alex Ho of Indiana. As forecasted by this network, Mr. Ho won in a nail-bitter of an election. High Ficus voter turnout left Mr. Ho with 12 votes and 52% of the popular vote and Mr. Ficus with 11 votes and 48%. This specific poll set a derekwalden.com record among voter turnout with an impressive 23 registered votes.
Those citizens in favor the IOM, or Inanimate Object Movement, appear disappointed that their candidate has lost another close race. "This is a good fight, and we will continue to push until a plant or book or other non-living item is elected. This is about equality," said "SOS Ficus" Chairman Bradley Miller. The Ho camp was excited and optimistic for the coming term. "We think BIG AL can really turn this country around. Who better to lead us than a short, Asian-American, ice dancer who jumps medians in rental cars? I mean come on, a plant? Lets get real people, Al kicked that plant's green little ass," said an anonymous source close to the candidate.
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